Forbidden Ipseity
by Leah Raynell
Summary: How one gains the privileges to acquire a new body and life form in another universe, I do not know. However, the pain of having to become someone you know you aren't is not a mystery to me. [Self Insert OC]
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Naruto obviously is owned by the great Masashi Kishimoto. I am merely toying with his creations and making a brand new material from them. I do own the OCs by the way.

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_**Forbidden Ipseity**_

_**Chapter 1: Rebirth**_

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I'm the kind of person who would fit being a second character.

My friends know me very well. Instead of choosing to be either an antagonist or a protagonist, I'd rather become a supportive person. That's who I am. I'm the main character of anything. I'm always second. I'm the kind hearted and caring supportive best friend. Never the main character.

That's how I always wanted it to be.

I never wanted to become the main character of anything for the fear of having to encounter problems much too difficult for me to accomplish. I have low self-esteem, and I'm not the bravest either. I only help in the background.

Just like those healers in those animated series I watch.

Even if the main character is hurt, they could always hope and depend on their supportive friend to help. That's who I am. I'm very supportive and caring, and I absolutely loathe violence. The mere thought of people clashing swords against each other makes me shudder.

How does the animated series, or 'anime' as most people call it, come into my life? For starters, my best friend introduced it to me. Of course, being the troller she was and prankster of my life, she gave me a violent anime.

It was entitled 'Naruto'.

I'll summarize it for you. It's mostly a story of an orphaned boy, named Naruto, who is mysteriously despised by his very own village. He wanted to become a ninja, a person who protects the village, in hopes of being acknowledge and being noticed. He was a prankster; a notorious one for that fact. He didn't care whether the attention he received from the people were negative or positive. He just want some people to prove his existence in this world.

It was so bloody violent, I think I may have hurled a few times. The first few episodes were fine, mostly them being about Naruto. Of course, when I came to the fight with Mizuki, Naruto, and Iruka, I wanted to run and scream for my life.

The next time I saw my best friend, I wacked her upside the head with my Algebraic Solutions and Problems book.

I wanted to forget about Naruto the anime, but somehow my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to watch the full series. It pained me to see how Naruto was treated and how much he desperately sought for attention.

'No matter what, I'll never die! I'll never die until I become Hokage!'

I admired Naruto. He was my idol.

The courage to move on from the past, the bravery to take his challenges head on, the loyalty to those he cares about no matter how much they hurt him— those were the traits of a true protagonist. Soon I found myself wanting to become like him.

But it was impossible.

I was only a supportive character. I only help. I was afraid of challenges, and the sight of quarrelling makes my stomach churn. I scream when I see people fist fighting, I give up on things to easily, and I certainly am nothing short of a filthy coward.

Naruto was my idol. He was my strength. He was the only thing that gave me hope. I may have sounded like Hinata in a way, but soon I found myself understand her too. Her past was almost as horrid as Naruto's, but nowhere near sad enough.

Hinata was powerful. She had strength. She had courage. She had the will and people supporting her.

And I was nothing.

I was just someone who fades into the background.

Soon, I bade farewell my childhood and moved on to adulthood. As the years passed, Naruto was still in my mind. How courageous he was, how loyal, how brave— you name it.

I found myself thinking then; what would it be like to be a main character? All I did was support and stay in the background for all my life. Maybe it would be fun! Maybe I would be stronger to face my trials and become braver. Maybe I would've been able to gain better attention.

Maybe I would actually feel more important.

With these thoughts in mind, I was determined. I'd find my own ways in becoming a protagonist in my own story. So I wasn't a ninja with a terrible past. Big deal. All I needed was my noggin and some computers to make my dream come true.

But I should've known I couldn't do that.

I was born to become a supportive character. I couldn't be a protagonist, no matter how I will it to be. I didn't have the mindset or the attributes one protagonist must have in order to be one.

For a person as naïve as I am, I always believed that if you will something to happen, it would. Perhaps that was what happened to me.

Someone willed me to die before I can pursue and achieve my goal.

When people die, they usually see their lives summary drift away and leave. In my case, it was different. When I felt the pain of the bullet enter my heart, I saw bright light in my vision before I saw a hand reach out towards me.

Then there was black.

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**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

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When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was the baby bottle in my mouth.

I've had my experiences with parents and their ways of disciplining children who apparently learned a few foul words a tad bit earlier than they should. I've heard of my best friend having a bar of soap shoved in her mouth for 30 minutes because she said some filthy words in front of her parents.

I knew that she complained and said that she had to brush her teeth four times to take the taste away and vowed that if I were to ever experience the same thing, I should probably brush more times than her.

I guess she had every right to complain back then. This literally sucks.

Liquid filled my entire mouth, and I swear that it wasn't sweetened at all. I was about to blurt out some things —mind you, they weren't pretty— to the person who was bottle feeding me when I accidentally choked on the drink.

If you think I was exaggerating on that one, you should probably think I overreact, Trust me, only my best friend does that. I'm the rational one.

I was choking, coughing, and maybe I was even spitting out the drink randomly, causing it to drip down my chin. I heard a 'tch tch tch' sound before a huge palm lightly smacked my back.

Whether it was delusional for me or not, it worked. What was funny for me was the fact that I burped innocently and cutely like a baby.

A sigh. Two large arms went under my arms and hovered my body slightly above the ground. Before I could scream or thrash around like any normal human instinct would tell you to, the arms laid me down on a crib in a sitting position.

I blinked a few times. What was going on here? What kind of situation is this? What was happening to me?

As I have mentioned, I'm a rational and logical thinker. I may have been planning on becoming an author in the future, but I do some research now or then whenever I have the time to do so.

I tried controlling my hands. When I raised them up to glance at them, I was shocked to find it… fatter and smaller than it should be. I started sweating and gulped nervously.

I looked at my body. It was certainly more… plump than it should have been. (I would NEVER admit that I am fat. I eat healthy foods everyday and I get exercise.) I touched my head and found its balance easily tipped off.

'Mirror… mirror… damn it, where the hell is a mirror?!' I thought frantically.

I spun my head around, only pausing for a second due to excessive dizziness. Seriously, if I were to get dizzy because of a silly little head turn, what kind of disease did I catch? Or maybe I'm just drugged?

As if my prayers and pleads were answered, I saw a body length mirror just opposite side of me. On the surface of the glass, I saw a little baby sitting properly on the bed. Perhaps a few months old or possibly at the latest one year older was how I estimated its age.

I figured the baby was a girl from the form of her face structure and clothes she wore. It was a fluffy light pink onesies with hearts decorated on it. The little baby had a tuft of red hair growing on the top of her hair and plum colored eyes with a little white bib tied around her pudgy neck. The bib had two strange symbols; a swirl and a Hidden Leaf logo that I recognized from my childhood of watching Naruto. It was the insignia he used to show that he was part of the Hidden Leaf.

I smiled and sigh in relief, wiping my forehead from the sweat. 'Phew! I was fretting about the situation for nothing. I'm just looking through a window—'

I froze my movement when I saw the little baby copy my movements. The creepiest thing about it was that she had mustered an exact copy of my facial expression; confusion and fear.

My paranoia took a boost and adrenaline was pumping through my bloodstream. Years of essential research on the forensic instincts and reactions of the human body proved itself right when I started to panic.

'Calm down… calm down! Confirm. A theory was made to be confirmed. I have a theory in mind, so I must confirm it.' I thought.

As much bravery as I could muster, I started crawling towards the glass. I was surprised to see the baby follow my exact movements and head towards me.

Heart beat accelerates. Blood boils from adrenaline. Panic settles.

I reached the glass, touching it with the flat of my palm. My body grew rigid in my stance; the baby had her hand on the exact same spot. I tilted my head to the right, seeing if this would change my mind about anything.

My theory might have been wrong. It had to be wrong.

When the baby opposite side of me kept copying my movements in accordance to mine, realization dawned upon me. A cold, unsettling, and stomach churning realization that could make me cry.

Red hair, plum eyes, swirl logo, Hidden Leaf logo… no doubt about this.

My theory was right.

My theory was actually right.

Usually, when scientists compose a theory about a certain subject and deem it right with the right precautions and experiments taken, they would be overjoyed on the results and brag, singing praises and allelujahs to the skies.

However, when I confirmed my theory right, I knew I was going to die.

Maybe it was because of my addiction to Naruto that had gotten me into this mess. Or maybe it was due to my addiction that I had actually gotten my wish. My wish of becoming a protagonist, that is.

I was calculative and rational. I wasn't dense, nor was I stupid or in denial. I knew exactly what was going on. I understood completely what was going on.

The swirly logo? It wasn't coincidence. It was the Uzumaki insignia.

The crimson hair? It wasn't dyed. It was natural, and a sign that the baby was an Uzumaki.

The Hidden Leaf logo? Dead giveaway. The baby was a soon-to-be made kunoichi, being made to serve both for the Hidden Leaf and the Uzushiogakure.

Now, it wouldn't have bothered me the slightest when I figured all of this out. In fact, I should've been rewarding myself with a couple of milk coffee and honey glazed donuts by now!

But the worst was what made me feel dread. My shoulders slumped, and so did the baby's. I fell on bum, and so did the baby's. I started to cry, and so did the baby.

It didn't take a genius to figure this out.

I was the baby.

And by some miraculous incident involving crazed psychopaths armed with guns and flying books of fire, I had been reincarnated into the body of another baby into the world of Naruto.

The worst part?

I was an Uzumaki.

AN. UZUMAKI.

...

Well damn!

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[A/N:] I blame my mind for being able to place all these pieces of evidence together. I was continuing my other Naruto category Self Insert fanfiction, otherwise known as "Silence is Golden" chapter when I was hit with a sudden urge to write a new Self Insert. Before you start scolding me that this was a bad idea, don't. I'm well aware of that! I'm in the hospital and yet I'm typing this like crazy hell. I must either be so passionate in writing, or I'm just a crazed typing maniac.

Though in retrospect, I'd choose the latter. Anyways, I'm about to be released in a matter of weeks so fret not about my condition. This gal isn't going down so easy!

Reviews are welcomed!

Critiques are honoured!

Haters shall head straight to the complaints department! *brings out a trash can labeled 'complaints department' and smirks*

Good-bye~


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **Naruto is obviously owned by the great Masashi Kishimoto. I am merely toying with his creations and making a brand new material from them. I do own the OCs by the way.

**Note: **I have edited the last part of chapter 1. Please refer to that before resuming to read chapter 2. It is important for you to read that before this!

**BETA: **None for now, since I'm not good at cooperating. Anyone who wishes to BETA read this fanfiction story, you may give me a message and we'll see.

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**_ Forbidden Ipseity_**

**_Chapter 2: Screwed_**

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Once I concluded that I was certainly in a situation I couldn't get myself out of, I did the one and only thing I could actually do in my state.

I went into denial.

If you're surprised, don't. I've read numerous fanfiction stories when I was younger, mostly being the OCs that are sucked into Naruto are able to cope quickly with the sudden changes and go on with their lives as a cold blood killing tool and have some sort of mysterious love triangle with the characters.

But let me tell you, I wasn't like those OCs. Remember, I'm just a supporter. Imagine if a person who was supposed to be in a background was suddenly placed in the headlights, forced to do something they can't. They would feel helpless. Confused. Lost.

Just like how I was feeling right now.

I can't believe this. I shouldn't believe this. Naruto was a fictional world. No normal being can trespass into a realm of a fictional world and end up as one of the important characters of the show.

I don't care if it happened to me.

This HAS to be a joke.

Me being in a state of denial is a problem. I would grow stubborn, restless, and definitely cranky if I see any evidence of a theory I wanted to prove wrong. It made me furious that every day when I open my eyes, I find myself in a wooden crib, wearing cute little onesies, and drinking from a baby bottle instead of waking up in my normal bedroom.

I wanted to deny everything. Deny, deny, deny. I denied everything around me.

I denied the crib. I denied the room. I denied the very woman who taught me to call her 'oka-san'. I denied the very existence of every single thing around me.

The woman I called 'oka-san' must've been annoyed with me being cranky so often around her. She would scratch her head, which was covered with shoulder length crimson colored hair and pinch the bridge of her nose while sighing.

However, though I went into a surreal state of denial, I would gradually lose the strength and stubbornness of holding anger and denying everything around me so soon, I found myself in a state of shock instead.

I was in the Naruto world.

I was in the Naruto world as an Uzumaki.

I was in the Naruto world as an Uzumaki, a clan who was taught to be one of the most feared in the world of ninja.

Those thoughts remained in my head for as long as a few weeks. Whenever I would think about these, I would just lay still wherever I was. Whether it was inside the crib, on the table, or even in the bathroom during bath, I would lay still and muse over these thoughts.

The person I called 'oka-san' would give me strange and worried looks whenever I did this. Either she sprinkles water on my face or clap her hands real loud to get my attention.

After my frozen state of shock, I went into a state of grief and remorse. I spent my days crying uncontrollably over things that could either be considered important or just plain silly. I would cry in my crib, punching my little fists in my pillow, screaming for my family and little brother. Sometimes I would cry when I thought of my father's illness. Sometimes I would cry when I remember the good times I had with my mother.

Sometimes I cried over spilling my bottle of milk, ruining my favorite onesies.

The person I called 'oka-san' was the only one who would run to my room whenever I had a fit of anger and sadness then carry me in her arms, patting my head softly and using hushed tones to soothe my nerves and calm me down.

After my many states of emotional distress that I had caused upon myself, I soon found myself in my normal state. The gears started turning in my head, and finally I found myself believing everything around me.

'Everything is real.' I thought. 'They aren't fake. After… after all that, everything is real. It is. No doubt about it.'

Despite being an adult mentally, it seemed that baby instincts and actions mostly took over me whenever I don't think. Just like the time I started chewing on things randomly. Or the time I drooled over my hand. Or the time—

You know what, I won't even mention that embarrassing piece of information.

Also, being a baby meant that you were extremely dependent to the people around you. Especially if you're near your mother.

It took me a while, but I was finally able to call that person 'oka-san'. Of course, I wouldn't be able to say it out loud since my voice box hadn't been that developed yet, but I did call her Oka-san mentally.

Just like the animated series Naruto was originated from, it looked like I was living in some sort of evolving feudal era wherein most wars are ending and the usage of honorable clans are being forgotten.

The main language here was obviously Japanese since I caught my oka-san saying a few words in front of me such as 'ohayo!' or 'oyasumi!' or 'dattebaro!'

Yes, you heard it right. Dattebaro.

It was silly for my oka-san to have a verbal tick, especially when she was already as old as an adult and that it sounded much too similar to Naruto's verbal tick 'dattebayo!'. But I was nothing to say that to her face, especially since I am an adult as well and I'm sucking from baby bottles and wearing onesies.

On normal days, I would be sitting on my crib, playing absentmindedly with my stuffed rabbit, which I named 'Chappy-chan' in courtesy of Kuchiki Rukia, a character from another animated series entitled 'Bleach'.

… This makes me doubt the anime creator's sanity. Bleach? Seriously? That's the best name Tite Kubo could think for his anime? I guess it was as equally ridiculous as an anime entitled 'Naruto', which also means the topping of a ramen.

Although, if both these anime titles are ridiculous and absurd and yet I like them both… wouldn't that count me as ridiculous and absurd?

No.

NO.

Let's not think anymore.

I do not want to go back to my many states of emotion again.

Chappy-chan was actually like a doll. She was a thin rabbit with flimsy arms and legs and cute ears with a pink bow tied on it. She wore a cute plain dress and had a cute little nose.

Chappy-chan was officially my only friend in this universe, aside from Oka-san.

Speaking of which, though I see oka-san a lot, I haven't ever seen my father. Even if he is a ninja of the village, surely he should have some downtime and spend it here with his family. I often wonder where or who he is.

It had been months ever since I figured I was in the Naruto universe, and I estimated myself that I was one year old at least. I still had a chubby figure, but my hair had grew a bit longer. Though it was rather thin, it did grow quite nicely.

Time has passed after my most recent discovery, I realized that being a baby is worst that any of all the jobs I had ever applied in my previous life.

All you do in your everyday life could be summed up quite easily in the form of a few words; sleep, eat, cry, poop, wash and rinse, then repeat. It was as if having a baby's life was made to be boring.

From my research in the past, I figured that a normal baby's attention span depended on how he or she aged. If he/she was about a few months old, it would shift a few seconds or if possible, one full minute. If he/she was about a year old or so, it would shift from one minute to five minutes or so. The bigger the baby grows, the longer the attention span.

Unfortunately for my case, even an entire month was enough to drive me into the loony bin. Every day I would wake up with the same routine, the same room, and the same icky feeling I feel whenever I shake my butt so early in the morning.

Time travels fast these days of mine, especially with the same routine playing out every day. Perhaps it's been a week ever since I figured this all out. Or even two. Or three. Or even a full month when I found all of this out.

This morning played out like always, with the exception of Oka-san humming a joyous tune while she helped me in a light pink onesies. She also combed my red hair softly with a slight grin on her face.

Okay… happy mom and no brawling over combing my hair? Something was definitely off today.

As usual, Oka-san made me my breakfast; mashed food. She really didn't tell me what was in there nor did I have the courage to ask after how disgusting it looked like.

Once we finished breakfast, oka-san settled me inside a small crib inside the living room with my stuffed rabbit that I named 'Chappy-chan' because of how it reminds me of my best friend's favorite anime character Kuchiki Rukia, and went into the bathroom. Most likely to prepare herself and wash up. Question is, for what?

The thought stayed in my mind for a few minutes as I absentmindedly fiddled with Chappy-chan. A few minutes later, oka-san came out of the bathroom, her shoulder length hair tied in a ponytail and her face freshened.

I tilted my head in question, which oka-san freely ignored before picking me up in her arms and taking out a small bag filled with some baby stuff inside.

My eyes widened briefly. Are we going outside the house?

My answers were soon heard when oka-san held the doorknob and twisted it, walked out, and closed it behind her. She then locked it and walked out of our house's front yard and started to roam around the Uzushiogakure.

From what I remember, I have never seen the inside of Uzushiogakure. Actually, I never even imagined an image about Uzushiogakure. The only scene I remembered about this village was from a flashback in Uzumaki Kushina's past, which was when it was still prosperous and alive.

… So I still watch the current episodes of Naruto. An adult must have a free time hobby too, you know.

Speaking of which, I wonder what timeline I'm currently in. If I'm still alive in the generation where Uzushiogakure hasn't been destroyed yet, there's a possibility that I've either been born before the Second War or during it.

I'm not sure with the details. It's been a while since I've refreshed my memory about Naruto, so I can't exactly remember the events as precisely as a hardcore fan would.

As oka-san walked around the village, I can't help but be fascinated. The air was fresh, unlike my old hometown where pollution was a friend to me, and there were no vehicles around buzzing. The people were all red heads, bearing smiles with each other and greeting each other warmly.

I blinked furiously before rubbing my eyes. Man, there were too many bright red colors everywhere. I think I'm becoming color blind.

Soon, me and oka-san arrived at a small park. There was nothing much there, except a few slides, swings, and a sandbox to play in. There were plenty of red children, playing around with gleeful laughter and care-free smiles on their faces.

I found myself smiling softly. 'Such a peaceful village…' I thought to myself.

Oka-san settled herself down a park bench, placing me on her lap and bouncing it slightly, making me see the world go up and down. I made blubbering noises of protest and immediately did oka-san giggle.

"Kurumi!"

I turned towards the direction of the voice and found a woman waving excitedly at us while walking towards us. Unlike the people I saw while oka-san walked in the street earlier today, she was dressed differently. She wore a mesh shirt, a flak jacket, and a strip of clothe over her forehead with a metal plate engraved on it.

'Hidden Leaf…' I thought.

My mother smiled. "Sachi-chan!" she cried as she scooted a few spaces to the left, making room for her accomplice to sit on the wooden bench. Sachi, or what I presumed her to be, sat beside us and started to converse with oka-san.

I didn't understand their conversation. Not one little bit. But I did catch a few phrases like 'sensou', 'tatakau' and 'Mito-sama' in their sentences. I only recognized those few words, and yet I understood perfectly what the topic of their conversation was.

'Sensou' meant war. We were still at war. Sachi had just confirmed that I have been born into the era of war.

'Tatakau' meant fight. There were hundreds of people fighting in the frontlines, laying their life for the peace of the nations.

'Mito-sama' was the name of Senju Hashirama's wife. She was still alive, and she must be residing somewhere in the Hidden Leaf.

There was a strange metallic taste in my mouth. Bile crept up my throat, but I swallowed it down to keep from barfing my breakfast. I felt panic rise up inside me, but I managed to control myself from panicking.

I was born in the era of war.

War.

WAR.

War meant fighting.

Fighting meant violence.

Violence results to red.

Red blood and deaths.

Oh. My. God.

Before long, I found my lower lip quivering and myself sniffling. Immediately did oka-san noticed and hugged me near her chest, whispering words of comfort that I didn't understand. She rocked me a few times before I calmed down.

Sachi looked at me strangely and I found myself burying my face into oka-san's clothes to hide my face from her gaze. I heard her laugh slightly.

"Kore wa anata no musumedesu ka?" Sachi asked my mother, who in turn nodded her head. She looked at me and smoothed my hair.

"Hai. Anata no namae wa Kushina desu!" oka-san replied.

"Hmm, Uzumaki Kushina… Suteki no namae wa Kurumi!" Sachi cried with a smile.

Oka-san nodded. "Deshou?" she asked again before turning to me, who finally uncovered my face for Sachi to see.

"Kushina-chan!" oka-san said, her gaze looking at me with loving grace.

Whether I masked my shock completely or oka-san just didn't notice, it didn't matter. My face contorted into a mixture of two feelings; surprise and fear.

Oka-san said Kushina.

Oka-san gestured to me when she said Kushina.

Namae meant Kushina.

Uzumaki Kushina.

Oka-san looked at me when she said Kushina-chan.

Kushina.

Uzumaki Kushina.

No.

Nononononono.

NO.

NO!

Right at that moment, I started crying again. The panic and fear finally settled in once realization dawned, and I felt myself revert back into my many state of emotional distress again.

Kushina.

Uzumaki Kushina.

I'm Uzumaki Kushina.

I'm Uzumaki Kushina, future wife of Namikaze Minato and mother of Uzumaki Naruto.

I'm Uzumaki Kushina, future jinchūriki of the Nine Tailed Beast.

I'm Uzumaki Kushina.

And I am royally screwed.

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[A/N:] Hello again readers! I hoped you read the newly edited part of chapter 1. Its only the last part that I edited, but it does have a big impact on chapter 2.

Many thanks to **TenraiTsukiyomi **for correcting my errors in the last chapter. God, I think I was drunk when I wrote that part. Or I was sedated. Either way, I'm just confused on how I was able to grab my laptop in the first place.

Rules in reading this fanfiction:

1) If you do not like this story, ignore it. If you flame me, I will just laugh at your stupidity. That goes to you, 'GodzillA$$'. You also need to work on your grammar skills and how to spell correctly, yes?

2) If you do not like the OC becoming more and more powerful each time and is inevitably going to come close in being a Mary-Sue, please leave and ignore this story. My OC is Kushina's replacement. Logically speaking, if she wants to survive the war, she needs to get stronger. Duh.

3) If you do not like the story having romance, please leave and ignore this story. There will be romance, be it how you want it or not. I think this rule shouldn't be explained, because a true Naruto fan would know why this story should have romance in the first place.

I think for fourth time, I had encountered another flamer or should I say, HATER who had reviewed my story.

If you were on fire GodzillA$$ and I had a glass of water, I would drink it. That's how much I appreciate your brilliant insights towards this story.

Sorry if I seemed so rambly, but I am thoroughly pissed. It would be a while until another update, and I apologize if you deem this chapter a tad bit too short. While we're on that topic, I am accepting BETA readers to help me.

Reviews are welcomed!

Critiques are honoured!

Haters shall head straight to the complaints department! *smiles cheekily and points to trash can that is labeled 'complaints department'*


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **Naruto is obviously owned by the great Masashi Kishimoto. I am merely toying with his creations and making a brand new material from them. I do own the OCs by the way.

**BETA: **None for now, since I'm not good at cooperating. Anyone who wishes to BETA read this fanfiction story, you may give me a message and we'll see.

* * *

**_ Forbidden Ipseity_**

**_Chapter 3: Violence_**

* * *

"A-me! A-me!"

I pushed my lips together into a thin line, my face contorting into a sour look as I stared at the picture of a cloud with droplets of rain pouring down held in front of me by oka-san.

"A… me!" I repeated with confidence. My mother clapped her hands and smiled widely. It was hard to keep a sour look when someone beamed at your success, especially if that someone was your supposedly mother in another known universe.

Being in the Naruto universe was… weird in a way. Yes, there are a few things I can name and locate here and there from my previous timeline to here in my current timeline, but there are some customs I still need to get used to. Such as seeing kids hold pointy wooden objects with no scolding from mothers, a few explosions coming from the Academy, and the occasional running on the rooftop ninja.

It was sad to say that I had grown a bit too comfortable here. This isn't my timeline, nor was I even supposed to be here in the first place. I'm supposed to be in paradise, or a holy sanctuary, or even a damn universe coated with caramel and milky sweetness would be good!

Though I had to admit, the Naru-universe did have its perks.

For instance; chakra. It was mind blowing. At first glance, you would think it was some sort of reactions based on the mixture of a few chemicals found in some geeky lab but if you actually touch it, you feel as if it was natural energy coursing in you. And when you are given an extra boost of Mr. Glow-in-the-Dark chemical, you feel like you took 10 cups of espresso.

Chakra, from what I have observed, is something everyone is born with. Perhaps it's because of clan genetics, but most clansmen often have twice or thrice the amount of an ordinary civillian's. Given the percentage of the civillian's chakra compared to an ordinary genin or chunin leveled shinobi would make a pretty huge difference.

But for us Uzumakis, it was a different case. Our Uzumaki genetics are way more complicated and powerful. With incredible longevity, massive chakra, and unbelievable life force, you would say that we were either powerful assets to wars or dangerous and unstable tools.

Our chakra wasn't that much different from any other ninja. It was pretty much similar, with the exception of the huge amount of chakra our body was able to endure.

In a simple example, imagine a normal civilian's body as an ordinary plastic cup— small, weak, fragile, and easily breakable. But for us Uzumakis, it was rather different. Imagine our bodies as huge water tank. Take the water tank and the glass in comparison and—

Oops. I'm ranting again.

That topic aside, there were many other things about the Naru-Universe that fascinates me to no end, such as how people are able to jump up rooftops with just a single jump and how mother's hair can rise up and flare dangerously when she gets irritated.

I'm still trying to guess how she was able to do it.

But as sad as it was, I was born in the middle of the war era, which meant that we either had to be very careful when going out the village or we should expect bombs and surprise attacks from other clans.

"RUN!"

A loud boom erupted somewhere nearby, causing me to jerk up in my bed. My eyes grew wide and my heart beat turned erratic. The door in front of me slammed open, finding my mother wearing a full out kimono blouse and battlesuit. Her hair was tied in a high ponytail and she wore a hitai-ate with a swirl symbol engraved upon the metal. Strapped on her sides were two scrolls and a two katanas were tied on her back.

"Kushina-chan!" she cried. I blinked profusely as mother took me from my crib, grabbed a small blanket and Chappy-chan and ran out our room and dashed out of our house.

Never had I felt so horrified in my entire life.

Fires appeared randomly, civilians scuffled around with their children in tow, and red headed ninjas doing joint techniques to seal fires or use ninjutsu to fend off the enemy. The smell of burning corpses filled the air and the sound of screams and the clashing of metal filled my ears.

"Kurumi!"

Mother came to a halt and I soon found her staring suspiciously at another red head that I was totally familiar with.

"What are you doing Kurumi?! You're supposed to take Kushina back to the underground caves! Give her to me and I'll—"

"The code is Red!" Mother shouted, cutting Sachiko in her sentence midway. Sachiko blinked twice before hardening her eyes.

"We don't have time for codes! Give me Kushina and—"

SWISH!

I stood still, my eyes widened with fear as small droplets of blood dripped down into the ground. In one swift move, Mother unsheathed her katana and plunged it straight through Sachiko, stabbing her effectively in the chest.

Mother's eyes dulled. "Sachi calls my daughter Kushina-chan. Also…" Mother smirked and tapped Sachi's holster on the left side. "Sachi is right handed."

She pulled out the katana out of 'Sachi's' body and watched as it landed on the ground with a thud. My lips quivered as dark red oozed out of her body but then my shock grew even more when the body erupted in a cloud of smoke, only to reveal a man who wore different mesh armor and wore the insignia of the Hidden Cloud.

Mother watched the body for a moment before turning around and jumping up and landing on the rooftop, running once more to God-knows-where.

I felt bile climb up my throat, but I managed to push it down and struggle not to bawl my eyes out.

My mother just killed a person.

She KILLED a person.

Right. In. Front. Of. Me.

How the mystery man's eyes contorted into surprise and fear when mother plunged her sword straight to his chest was a scene that gave me chills to the bones. And how my mother's face showed no signs of regret just… surprised me.

Why did she have to kill him?! He was just another regular man! He may have had a family too, or a wife, or a kid, or someone waiting for him back at home! He could've been spared!

_'Why is everyone fighting?'_

Mother encountered two more ninjas with similar insignia's engraved on their hitai-ates. They each took out a kunai knife and headed straight towards us with a battle cry.

Swish! The sound of metal slicing flesh was disgusting. Blood sprayed everywhere and the two ninjas' bodies dropped down.

_'Why does there have to be war?'_

We arrived at the ninja trainings grounds where Mother used to take me to observe ninja training and fighting basics only to be greeted by a herd of bloodied and mutilated corpses.

Mother's eyes widened in shock but returned to its original state once another of our fellow kin appeared. He had the occasional red hair, pale skin, and plum colored eyes. "Kurumi-taicho! We can't take them all!"

"The code is Red!" Mother repeated. When she said that I feared for the man's fate. What if he couldn't answer correctly and die instantly like the man before?

"Red is the color of blood. Blood is the lineage of our clan. Red is for fury. Fury is the power of our clan. Red is for Fate. Fate is what will make our deaths inevitable." The man answered calmly.

Mother heaved a huge sigh of relief before another bomb exploded not too far away from our position. She glanced at the man in front of us and handed me over to him, much to my protest.

"T-taicho?" the man asked in question.

Mother looked at him with stern eyes. "Akira,take Kushina away from here and keep her safe until our fellow comrades from the Hidden Leaf arrive. I will do my best and keep any more intruders pass." She said.

The man who I presumed to be Akira gasped. "What? Taicho! You couldn't possibly— you'll die out there!"

Mother managed a wry smile. "I'm capable to protect my village Akira. I'll handle it." She said before turning to me and kissing me on the forehead. "See you soon Kushina-chan. Take Chappy-chan with you and sleep in your blanket, okay? Oka-san has to do something important."

I held mother's huge finger, struggling to keep her with me. A pained expression came up her face before turning to Akira.

"Go!"

Akira looked at mother with disbelief but nodded and hesitantly started running with me in tow. I started to scream and cry, wanting to be placed once more in my mother's arms.

_'Why can't there be peace?'_

As if the world moved in slow motion, I caught eye of a kunai with a paper tag attached on the end lit up with fire past us and head straight behind us. It erupted in a loud boom, causing smoke to appear.

Akira stopped running when a man with dark hair and dark eyes came rushing towards him. Akira reached in for his kunai and held it in front of him as a sign of defense while a dangerous look came up his face.

"Calm down!" the dark eyed man said as he pointed to his hitai-ate, which had the symbol of the Hidden Leaf engraved upon it. "I'm Uchiha Izuru. I'm part of the reinforcements Lord Hokage sent for defense of the Uzushogakure."

Akira looked at him. "The code is Red!"

Without so much as batting an eye, the Uchiha repeated the same answer Akira stated earlier. Akira relaxed again and the Uchiha looked behind us.

"Take that baby away from here and head to the south wing! Our healers and medical experts are there and so are the wounded and children." Izuru ordered Akira.

Akira nodded and started running faster than he ever did before. We soon found ourselves in the South Wing, where loans of people scurried around. I caught so many healing ninjas around, green chakra coating their hands and using it to heal everyone.

_'So many died and got hurt…'_

Suddenly, hundreds of explosions took off all at once, causing the ground to shake slightly. I soon found myself at the verge of crying and screaming.

This is war.

War is violence.

Violence is fighting.

Fighting kills.

Killing makes red.

Dark red.

Red.

Redredredredred.

Everything was red.

The people were red. The sky was red. The buildings were red. My hair is red.

Red.

My hair is red.

Blood.

My hair is blood.

Hair.

It was red.

Red.

Red.

Redredred.

Bloody, bloody, red.

There was no color in the world.

Just…

Red.

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

I sat on the nursery room, clutching Chappy-chan tightly in my arms and avoiding all babies that tried to interact with me by shoving a slimy toy at my face.

Where was mother? I'm scared. She promised me that she'll come back to fetch me. She said that she's capable of holding herself and fending off the enemy.

The fear of losing my mother coursed through my veins like a speed boat. I didn't want to be alone in this world. A world where reality was nothing but casualties and deaths can't be considered a place for the peace-ridden children.

I crawled my way towards the door, trying to escape this place and find my mother. But before I could even walk out, I heard voices in the hallway.

"No. No. Nononono! She— she promised that she'll live!"

Akira. That was Akira's voice.

"… I'm sorry Akira-san, but she is dead."

"You're lying!"

What's going on? I crawled a bit nearer, trying to get a better view of the scene happening in front of me. Akira was standing on the hallway with the Uchiha who saved us before. The Uzumaki had a look with the mixture of pain and disbelief.

"I am not." Izuru stated. "Uzumaki Kurumi, Jonin leveled kunoichi, level 6 seal master of the Uzushiogakure, has been announced dead."

I froze.

Dead?

Mother?

She's dead?

Everything stopped. It was almost as if my whole world came crashing down.

_'Haha!' _I could imagine Life mock. _'I killed your mom! Who else should I kill next?'_

Mom.

Dead.

Dead.

Mom.

Red.

Blood.

Blood was red.

Red was blood.

Mom was red.

Mom was blood.

Red.

Hair is red.

Red is the color of my hair.

Hair.

Red.

Blood.

Death.

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

"Kushina-chan, what is this?"

I looked up from my toys and found the caretaker, Azumi, holding out a drawing I made earlier with some crayons and glitter I found taped into one of my baby blocks.

"Shinobi." I answered. "Kunai."

Azumi seemed thoroughly troubled when I spoke those two words. "Kushina-chan… do you want to become a shinobi?"

I paused, my mind reeling when I processed the question. In the cannon, I vaguely remember Kushina becoming a ninja, only that she enrolled into the Hidden Leaf Academy instead of the curriculum in Uzushiogakure due to her chakra traits.

Should I become a ninja? If I didn't and became an ordinary civilian, I might affect the plot big time. More innocents— Nagato, Yahiko, Konan, Minato, Naruto, Mikoto— could die because of my decisions. If I chose wisely, maybe they would live. If I chose the wrong choice… they would die.

But… I don't want to become a ninja. Being a ninja is something I don't want to experience. Just watching someone die in front of me made my stomach drop and hyperventilate. If I did the killings with my own hands…

"Yes."

It's not like I had a choice in the first place.

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

When I first learned how to walk without any guidance from adults, I was proud of myself. The mere fact that I'm starting to grow independent instead of relying on others for safety made me think that I could do so much.

I loved walking. I finally didn't have to crawl.

I walked into every room I could gain access to. Though I mainly go to the toilet more often than should be, I really was getting the hang of this.

When I first walked, I noticed the looks the caretakers had given me. Calculating and observing— they were watching me. They wanted to see if I'm another prodigy in budding. They had their hopes up that I would be a skilled shinobi one day, and I can't blame them for thinking of such ludicrous thoughts.

We were at war. Most of us are targets. Most of us are dying.

We needed soldiers. We needed more of them. We needed more tools for killing.

I didn't care for the 'for the sake of peace' crap anymore. It was just a stupid mask to hide that we just want to win this stupid war and prove our powers to the whole world.

It was one of those rare occasions when I wasn't awoken by the sounds of explosions and screams resonating in the air, and was instead greeted first by the rays of sunlight raining down my face.

I pulled out a sour face before shutting the curtains and plopping face-first into my fluffy pillow, staring into space and thinking of nothing in particular.

"Kushi-chan! Kushi-chan!"

I blinked a few times before raising my head from my pillow, only to find another one of my fellow red heads beaming up at me. I tilted my head, trying hard to remember his name.

"Uh… Souza-kun?" I asked.

The boy beamed and nodded eagerly before holding out a calligraphy brush in his hand. "Wanna whrite with me?" he blubbed, holding his brush up high in the air.

I stared at the brush, memories of Mother flooding through my system. A sense of dread washed over me before I covered my face and moaned pathetically and grumpily into the pillow in my hands.

"Nooo…." I said.

Souza had a look of disappointment but continued his calligraphy writing in peace while I was stuck on the bed, brooding about my future. Specifically about being kidnapped by the Cloud Ninjas, becoming the Nine Tailed Fox's Jinchuuriki, and thinking about becoming the famed 'Red Hot Habanero/Yondaime Hokage's Wife' without having any protest about it.

…

What a horrible way of thinking.

* * *

[A/N:] Hello readers! I apologize if the chapter is short for your liking, and since I have no definite excuse for my laziness, you guys can shout all kinds of complaints at me.

Just for assurance, do you want me to make this story follow cannon or become AU?

Anywayzz, time to resume my pointless studying!


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **Naruto is obviously owned by the great Masashi Kishimoto. I am merely toying with his creations and making a brand new material from them. I do own the OCs by the way.

**BETA: **None for now, since I'm not good at cooperating. Anyone who wishes to BETA read this fanfiction story, you may give me a message and we'll see.

**Warning: **Language. Starting now. All adults swear like sailors. It's a simple must.

* * *

**_ Forbidden Ipseity_**

**_Chapter 4: Courage and Fear_**

* * *

I sat down on the wooden swing set near the orphanage, watching the other children laugh and play with toothy smiles and hearty laughter.

Ever since oka-san's death, I couldn't bear the thought of having another precious person dying. The trauma left when my very own mother killed a stranger in cold blood with me to watch made me realize how pathetic my mental state is and how much nightmares one could endure.

And yet, that pain and fear was the one that gave me courage.

I never, in my entire life, understood what it was like to feel helpless and vulnerable. How your body numbs and your eyes widen in shock and how you try to say words but can only manage a whimper.

It was pathetic. Stupid. Frustrating.

I could go a full hour rant on how annoyed I was for being so useless. I'm supposed to be Kushina fucking Uzumaki here! I'm here replacement. I'm Kushina Uzumaki. I'm supposed to be some badass woman who could scare the shit out of the future Fourth Hokage!

And yet here I am; sitting on the swing sets, brooding like some emo-ridden child who has issues.

I gripped the ropes of the swing, my body tensing up. 'I'm supposed to be one of the heroines of the cannon. If I can't watch one person die in front of me… than doing the killing yourself must be even worse…'

My mind then trailed off to Naruto, the little blonde who would soon be the world's savior. The boy who has the strange ability to reach into people's hearts and warm them. The boy who could relate to anyone's pain for the fact that he had endured it. The boy who would never give up, despite his chances.

The boy who I idolized ever since I was young.

And I would be the proud mother of that boy. That boy would be adored. The boy who will become legendary.

The boy with the name 'Naruto'.

Feeling a sense of satisfaction and a wave of calmness wash over me, a small smile tugged on my lips.

'Yeah.' I thought. 'How am I suppose to live with myself if the world's greatest hero isn't born? I'd probably kill myself.'

I gave myself a few seconds to muse over my thoughts.

'… maybe I'll be reborn into the world of Harry Potter! Turning Neville into a frog… tempting…'

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

"Do you have any scrolls based on taijutsu and chakra control?"

Azumi shifted her attention to me but continued to tidy up the mess some of the three year olds created during play time earlier. "Hmm… no, but I'm sure there are some in the Village Library." She said.

"But I don't have a library card." I protested.

Azumi turned to face me. "Why do you need them Kushina-chan? Are you planning on training so early? You're only four, you know!"

I pouted. "But I want to become stronger! Besides, if I don't start now, I won't be able to grow as strong as I should ttebane!"

I froze when I realized I accidentally added my verbal tic at the end of my sentence and flushed red when Azumi chuckled in my embarrassment. She looked at me with an amused expression and asked, "And how strong should you be, Kushina-chan?"

I inwardly gulped, wrecking my head for a believable answer. It was when I thought of another certain blonde headed boy did I think of a responsible and quick enough excuse.

"I don't need to be super strong like Senju Hashirama or Uchiha Madara. I just need to be strong enough to protect my comrades and the people I love." I answered truthfully and sincerely.

Azumi was taken aback by my answer. Surely she must've suspected some childish answer like 'to become super strong!' or 'to become super awesome like mom or dad!' or something much similar.

The brown eyed Uzumaki stared at me strangely and I admit that it slightly created an awkward sort of tension. Finally, after a few moments, Azumi came back to Earth and cleared her throat.

"Actually, I think you can train as early as now. I only wish you won't strain your body too much since you're only a child." She said. Once I nodded in agreement, she smiled before walking towards one of the high bookshelves, tip-toeing to her highest before finally reaching a small brown encased book.

"Aha!" she cried as she successfully pulled it out from the stack and dusting it a bit before handing it out to me.

I took it gingerly before tilting my head to the side. "'Chakra Control Basics'?" I read aloud. I flipped the cover off and carefully flipped to the first page of the book.

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING about chakra was listed. All information, snippets, techniques, hand signals, exercises to improve control and many other things were all written in the single brown book I held in my hand.

"Uh Kushina-chan, if you don't close your mouth, you might attract flies."

I blinked before realizing my mouth was slightly agape. I quickly closed my mouth before grabbing the book and rushing out the door, not before thanking Azumi for handing me the book.

If I turned around, I would've noticed a sad smile graced on her lips.

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

"Chakra is the molding of the physical energy and the spiritual energy of one's body. Once molded, chakra can be manipulated or controlled from the lowest to the highest levels through the use of the hand seals."

I flipped through the other pages of the book, quickly scanning its contents. I saw figures about the 361 tenketsu points of the ninja body, images and instructions on how to make the hand seals properly and correctly because apparently, if you molded your chakra with the wrong hand seal, you might have your hand exploding off.

Ouch.

After scanning the pages quickly, I closed my book and exhaled. "Alright." I said to myself before walking towards the woods behind the orphanage.

I usually stay in the woods for many reasons. Most of them are for long walks around the village while another reason was for me to feel a sense of serenity and isolation from huge crowds of people.

It was a good thing I knew this place too. Had it not been for my habit of wandering off and my photographic memory, I wouldn't be able to return to t orphanage before 6, which might lead Azumi to kicking my ass.

Taking a seat on the bottom of a tree, I sat cross-legged and placed both my hands together in the middle of my lap. I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes, trying my best to open my own mind eye and concentrate.

It said on the book that the recommended chakra exercise for most children below genin or Academy level is meditating. It helps us prolong our time limit to concentrate our energies into our body and it helps us get used to being aware of our surroundings.

Before, I had known that shutting off one of our five senses would enhance the other four. I even remember a blind old man who could hear the littlest things, a deaf woman who could distinguish the different scents of a human, and so on.

I was really fascinated by the concept of my senses heightening to inhumane levels, so I decided to give meditation a try.

Once a few minutes passed by, I could feel my mind's eye open up and sense my surroundings. It was like seeing a pure black world, with everything outlined with white lines everywhere.

I saw my figure in my mind's eye, all outlined with white. I concentrated a tiny bit harder and some sort of blue spark ignited inside my body. A blue flame, no bigger than my hand, appeared in the center of my chest and small lines spread from it, growing through the parts of my body.

I gasped as the blue aura continued to spread around my body. 'So this is what chakra feels like…' I thought.

Just as I had theorized, I felt my senses heightened. I could hear the sound of the soft breeze that caressed my hair, the chirping of the birds, the sound of water flowing gently by the stream.

It… sounded as if everything was interconnected and as if they were all made for pure perfect harmony.

I felt myself smile softly as I continued to meditate on my surroundings. After a few more minutes of meditation and struggling to calm my chakra levels down to the point I could control.

When I opened my eyes, I found myself panting slightly. Phew, I didn't know it was _that _hard to control Uzumaki chakra reserves! But I guess I should've expected it from my genes. Long life and ridiculously large reserves do sometimes come with complications, such as our chakra control.

I sigh under my breath and once more resumed to training my chakra control in silence.

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

"Wow Kushina-chan, I never expected you to love ramen this much!"

I ignored Azumi, promptly continuing to inhale— sorry, eat— my shoyu ramen at breakneck speed. It would've been horrid for me to see myself eat like a slobbery pig, but right at the moment manners were the last thing I needed to think about.

I knew Kushina must've had her fair share with her love of ramen and so did her son Naruto. In my previous life, ramen was just another ordinary noodle meal. I tried it once, and I admit it tasted good, but not as great for me to grow extremely addicted.

But now, I take that all back. Man, ramen was de-freakin'-licous! I could eat this stuff forever if I could!

Azumi watched me with a chuckle as I finished my fourth bowl and moved on to my fifth. She took out a napkin and used it to wipe my mouth, causing me to smile in embarrassment at my mannerisms.

"Seriously." She said exasperatedly but with a slight smile.

When I finished my supper, I headed straight towards the bathroom to clean myself up. Once I was done with that, I went to my room and plopped down the futon in the corner of the room.

The architecture of the orphanage was pretty simple. We had three floors; the ground where most activities are done, the second floor where most of us orphans stay and sleep, and the third floor where some old furniture and where four of the caretakers sleep in.

In floor 2, there were 6 rooms connected by one straight hallway. It was pretty neat, the rooms I mean. There would be four kids in each room, each arranged by their age difference which I was glad for. If I was stuck in a room filled with rowdy and energetic kids— more so than us Uzumakis should be— I would lose sanity way quicker than expected.

In my room, I had three other roommates; Takashi, Sayu, and Rokuso. Takashi and Rokuso were males while Sayu and I were females. If I had anything to say about my roommates, I'll say that they were great companions.

Sayu was more of a Hinata-like in this time. She was shy with a red bob cut and green eyes. She was, like me, a pacifist. She loved peace and yearned for the day war would be extinguished from this world and we wouldn't have to fear for our lives each second we wake.

Takashi was like Sasuke. He was quiet, broody, but every so often you would catch a smile on his face. Another difference was that he was a skilled harp player, and that he wanted to become a kenjutsu master once he grew up.

And my favorite, Rokuso. He was almost like –my future son— Naruto. Grinning, prankster, and a total goof off. He was really tactical at situations and hangs out with Takashi a lot. Both are inseparable.

When I sat on my bed, I first noticed Rokuso sulking in the corner with a lump on his head. Turning towards to Sayu, she giggled. "Rokuso-kun accidentally enraged Kaya-chan earlier."

"Ah." I said, my mouth shaping into an 'o'. Kaya was one of Takashi's self proclaimed number one fangirl. Rumors has it that she was the one who had the idea of stealing his boxers and using it as decorations for her room, much to Takashi's horror.

Takashi sat on his futon, his eyes looking hazy and cool as usual. He noticed my appearance and acknowledged me with a simple greeting, to which I returned back to him.

"Why does Kayo keep hitting me so hard?" Rokuso whined childishly, his lump throbbing. "All I did was say that Takashi isn't some sort of cool God we should worship or something!"

I couldn't help the smile that came up my face. "Well, according to fangirl 101, you should never bash on their idols. Unless you want to live that is." I noted cheekily.

Rokuso's head snapped behind and noticed me waving at him. He grinned. "Kushina-chan!" he said happily before running towards the spot next to me before sitting on it.

"I saw you earlier today Kushina-chan." Rokuso said. "You were sitting on the bottom of the tree then some weird yellow energy thingy started glowing around her! It was like… pshhhh!" he said.

Takashi looked up. "You can summon chakra?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Not exactly, Takashi-kun. I can only see it, and since it's only my first day, I can't control it well. Or at all." I said.

Sayu looked amazed. "That's… still progress. Kushina, if you could become a shinobi of our village, then maybe you would be able to protect the village!"

"Yeah, yeah!" Rokuso said as he nodded in agreement. "The shinobi these days are super strong! If we grow stronger, then we don't have to do war anymore and lose anymore mama and papa!" he said in his poor grammar.

My eyes saddened. Even if I experienced Kurumi kill in cold blood and watch her retreating figure disappear into a mass of chaos, Rokuso had his situations a tad bit worse than mine. His parents promised him that they'll be back as soon as the fight calms down and that they'll grab some snacks and play tag like they used to.

Of course, being the kid he is, Rokuso agreed and bid his parents good-bye, holding onto their promise to him. Only a few weeks later did he realize his mistake and that he had said his final good-bye to his parents with a smile on his face. But even with that pain he held in his heart, he still smiled and grinned like the total idiot he was.

Makes me feel so guilty.

Takashi's eyes softened. "No more losses…" he murmured.

Sayu bowed her head. "No more fights…"

I followed. "And no more violence…" I whispered.

Rokuso nodded before standing up. "How 'bout we make a pact here right now? We'll all promise to become strong shinobi so we could protect the village and make no kid cry for their mama and papa anymore! Then when the fighting is over, we could all move in together in the village and be friends together!"

I felt my lips quiver, hearing Rokuso's speech and looking at the beaming smile on his face.

Unknowingly, tears streamed down my face. My silent quivers were immediately noticed by Takashi, who turned to me.

"Kushina?" he asked.

I snapped up, finally noticing my tears. Sayu and Rokuso saw my reaction and Rokuso grew worried. His eyes widened and he started waving his hands in front of him.

"A-ah! If i-it sounded weird Kushina-chan, I-I apologize!" he fussed.

I wiped away my tears with the sleeve of my shirt and gave Rokuso a smile. "I'm not sad, Rokuso-kun. I… I just think that it's a wonderful dream!" I said with a grin of my own, despite my watery eyes.

They seemed surprised by my reaction but slowly smiled and nodded with me. "Yeah. It is. Whoever knew some idiot like Rokuso would be able to think of that as a dream." Takashi scoffed lightly.

Rokuso grinned and nodded. "Yeah, whoever thought an idiot like m— HEY WAIT A MINUTE!"

Sayu laughed at both the males' bickering and I couldn't help but watch the scene in front of me unfold with sincerity and fondness.

_'A world where no one dies, huh…' _I thought, putting Rokuso's thought into consideration.

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

I placed some leaves on my fingertips, trying to summon enough chakra to control and use it to make the leaves stick to my fingertips.

I moved my arm slowly towards the sides, concentrating real hard to make sure none of the leaves fall off. Once a gentle breeze brushed past me and the leaves still stayed in the same place, I smiled at my success.

Unfortunately, the leaves then fell down. My smile turned into a frown as I knelt down and picked one of them up, staring at it. I cocked my head to the side, inspecting the leaf.

'There's still chakra rotating inside the leaf…' I noted as I sensed a weird sort of energy stored inside the little leaf. About two minutes later the chakra dissipated into the air.

I stared hard. 'So chakra still stays in chakra used objects for a minimum amount of time.' I concluded before another idea hit me.

What if I added more chakra?

Since there was nothing else to do later today other than helping Azumi-nee with the dishes after dinner, I pushed some more chakra into another leaf.

Much to my chagrin, the leaf quickly dissolved and crumbled away. I pursued my lips into a thin line, remembering what the book said about chakra.

'Too much chakra will destroy.'

I tried adding chakra once more into another leaf. Unlike my first attempt, the chakra only stayed inside the leaf for only ten seconds them WOOSH it disappeared. I frowned.

'Too little chakra will have no effect.'

I sigh before blowing a stray strand of red hair away from my face, glaring at my hands.

Eesh, why does chakra have to be so darn complicated?

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

Later that night, I couldn't sleep a wink. Sure, I was exhausted from my chakra exercise earlier but for some reason my body wouldn't dare rest. It was as if I was inspecting someone or something to come crashing in.

Since I was practically restless, I decided to go downstairs to get some milk from the kitchen. I walked downstairs and was about to walk to the kitchen when I heard voices coming from the main room of the orphanage.

Curious, I walked towards the slightly opened door and placed my eyes between the tiny space and I was shocked to find Azumi sitting on the table with narrowed eyes and a frown tugging on her lips.

What was more surprising was the fact that there were two shinobi from the Konohagakure. One of them was a Hyuuga and the other was a man who looked oddly like Minato.

"We may have an alliance with the Leaf, but your request is beyond absurd." Azumi said crossly.

The Hyuuga remained unfazed. "It is our Lord's request. Lady Mito is slowly coming up to age and the last thing our village needs is having the Nine Tails escaping and rampaging."

The blonde nodded in agreement and turned to Azumi. "It has been ordered that one of your kin must sacrifice themselves as a vessel for the Nine Tails."

"And I refuse!" Azumi snapped. "To burden a child with the monster which is the Nine Tails— have you fools not considered their mental stability?! The wars have been worsening, and planning to raise one of us for a military asset is inhumane!"

"If you do not agree, our alliance will be severed as soon as Lady Mito dies." The Hyuuga warned.

Azumi's face contorted into disbelief. She chewed her bottom lip before rubbing her temples. "I have absolutely no say in this, don't I?" she asked.

The two shinobi nodded, which made Azumi sigh. Her blue eyes were tinted with sadness before she asked, "Which of the orphans will you take?" she asked, her voice pained with thought of having to give up one of us.

I leaned in a bit closer to the door, concealing my chakra as much as I could. The blonde one answered this time.

"We'll be observing the orphans everyday for two weeks. Lady Mito had mentioned that there are two specific Uzumakis who has special concealment chakra, enough to suppress the Tailed Beasts chakra with enough guidance. We were sent here to find where both Uzumaki Harada and Uzumaki Kurumi are."

Azumi clenched her fists. "Harada was killed on a mission to protect a client while Kurumi died during the last raid by the hands of the Iwagakure." She hissed.

Both shinobi were surprised to hear this. My eyes watered slightly as I recalled my mother's smiling face and her last words to me, but I managed to stay silent.

"… but they do have a child." Azumi noted.

Two of the shinobi leaned in. "Who?" the blonde asked.

I bit my lower lip and quickly pulled away from the door, bolting as quickly and quietly as I could upstairs and into my room. Sayu and the others were still fast asleep and I hurriedly ducked underneath my covers, holding Chappy-chan close to my chest.

Unease settled inside me and I couldn't shake the feeling of having to be watched by those two shinobi from Konoha. I assume that the blonde nin is Minato's father since you really don't see much blondes and blue eyes around here.

Would Azumi really sell me out? She wouldn't, right? I'm just a kid. It's not like… she would…

No. Azumi is like a big sister to me. We're family. She'll never sell me out.

Never.

We're family.

She wouldn't.

Right?

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

I sat under the shade of the tree, reading another chakra guide book. This one was about chakra exercises. It explained to me how I could control my chakra from long distances.

I was extremely fascinated. Controlling chakra from long distances was difficult for an average shinobi, and it was understood already that for a regular Uzumaki it would be thrice or twice as difficult.

I flipped to the next page and spotted someone appear from the corner of my eye. My instincts kicked in and I instantly grew very wary and alert. I turned to the left and looked up, spotting the same blonde haired blue eyed man from last night.

He had a soft smile and stared at me. "Are you interested in chakra?"

Though I was wary of this man, I couldn't help but nod. When I did, he slowly eased his position from the tree branch and fell down on his feet gracefully. He walked towards me and sat beside me.

"Look at this." He said as he held out his palm.

I watched in awe as his hand glowed bright blue. Chakra enveloped his whole hand right before the energy spiraled out of his fingers and collected itself in the middle of his palm. The chakra rotated and danced over his palm.

I instantly recognized this technique.

"Rasengan…" I murmured instinctively.

The man gave me a strange look. "Rasengan?" he repeated.

I nodded at him and gestured to his palm. "Rasengan… that's a technique that requires chakra control and focus. Collecting enough chakra in your palm, then forming a rotation with it, then controlling it by will. The collection of raw concentrated chakra is powerful enough to do a lot of damage to an opponent."

The shinobi gave me a startled look before his expression grew serious. "… What's your name?"

I hesitated. Should I say my name? After all, this man was a shinobi. A shinobi was someone who killed. A shinobi was the one who killed my mother.

And this shinobi is looking for prodigies. Prodigies who could hopefully help them win the war against nations.

I pushed my lips into a thin line. There will be no use lying to a trained assassin and spy.

"Kushina." I replied curtly.

His eyes grew wide. "The daughter of Kurumi and Harada?" he asked in disbelief.

"I don't know who's Harada." I spoke truthfully. "But if you mean oka-san, then yes. I'm her daughter." I said indifferently.

The man looked at me for a few moments. He then sigh and stood up from his place and walked away, disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

I stared at the spot where that man disappeared.

What would happen next?

* * *

**Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ**

* * *

I felt my eyes widen. My body grew rigid and my arms started shaking in silent anger.

"No."

Azumi looked at me with pleading eyes. "Please Kushina-chan. You have to go. It's your duty to the—"

"I don't care!" I snapped as I glared at Azumi. "I'm not becoming a container! I'm not leaving home! Never!"

Azumi stared at me with a pained look. No… no! How dare they! How dare they try and take me away from my home! They can't do that! They can't!

"Find someone else!"

"There's isn't someone else." A Hyuuga stated seriously, staring at me with his lilac colored eyes. "You're the only one with the chakra of suppression ability."

I shook my head in denial. No. This can't be. I can't become a jinchuuriki. I don't want to become a jinchuuriki.

The blonde shinobi looked at me with a stoical expression. "Are you really that selfish?"

I froze.

Selfish?

"The Nine Tails is a demonic creature, probably the embodiment of chaos itself." He stated. "Lady Mito was forced to take in the creature inside her only to save others from dying. She was a selfless woman, willing to sacrifice her happiness for the sake of others."

He narrowed his blue eyes at me. "If we let the Nine Tails roam rampant, who else will die? Mothers, children, Fathers, probably even infants would fall victim. You, and only you, have the power to suppress this beast."

Selfish? I wasn't selfish. I wasn't. But I don't want to become a jinchuuriki. It isn't fair.

"Will we risk one life for the sake of millions or will we risk millions for the sake of one life?"

This isn't fair.

I don't want to become a jinchuuriki.

I'll be hated.

Cursed.

Spat on.

I'm scared.

But if I don't become a jinchuuriki…

More people will die.

I don't want that.

I don't want that!

I… don't want… to see people die…

I don't…

A bitter laugh escaped my throat. I shadowed my eyes with my bangs and looked down on the floor.

"It's not like I have a choice anyway." I murmured.

And I was right.

* * *

**[A/N:] Oh dear. How long has it been ever since I updated this thing? A month? Yikes!**

** Thank you guys for the support. I know I'm not the best author out there, but I do try my best. Also, I would like to thank all you guys who are also fans of 'Silence is Golden' because I received so much positive feedback about it.**

**In case you guys are bored or out of lists in reading fanfiction and are also FMA fans, I suggest you read my other story, 'The Medical Alchemist'. I would appreciate it very much if you do! ^^**

**See you guys in the next update!**


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